[Master Your Fears] Exercise 2 – Predominate Fear Type
I started a new series that I will be posting called [Master Your Fears]. This series will follow my progress through dealing with my fears and (hopefully) ultimately kicking the habit of being irrationally afraid of things. As my guide I’m using a combined approach of therapy and studying texts that will offer methods to overcoming fear.
The first text that I will be using is Master Your Fears: How to triumph over your worries and get on with your life by Linda Sapadin, PhD.
Please read my first entry into the series: Exercise 1 – Adaptive or Maladaptive Fear
Five Fear Styles
Sapadin identifies five fear styles Master Your Fears. She is careful to indicate that these are not clinical diagnoses, but rather it’s an overview of how you as an individual typically express your fears.
She begins her chapter on Fear Styles with a brief discussion about cultural differences that have lead men and women to express fear differently. It’s the typical stuff that we’ve all heard… men are supposed to be men and fear equates to weakness. Where it’s generally more socially exceptable for women to have fears and to express them openly without being stigmatized. Sapadin then goes into a series of five quizzes each 12 questions each that are aimed at ranking your fear style.
Initially I was put off by her quizzes because they use the typical 1-5 ranking system:
Never = 1 point
Rarely = 2 points
Sometimes = 3 points
Frequently = 4 points
Always = 5 points
I’ve found in the past that this system doesn’t always translate well for me because I think my definitions of “rarely,” “sometimes,” and “frequently” are often different from others (including the authors of the quizzes that I’m taking). I was however impressed that Sapadin refrained from mentioning any of the names for the five fear styles until after one took the quizzes. Also, the corresponding five quizzes were undescriptly named: Quiz #1, Quiz #2, Quiz #3, and so on. There was no way for you to deduce which quiz corresponded to which fear type before you were finished, assuming that you did not read ahead in the book.
Despite the fact that I put very little stock into the 1-5 (Never-Always) ranking system I was really impressed with the questions that Sapadin used to determine the fear styles. They were very specific, and I didn’t feel like there was that much room for multiple interpretations that might have led to differing results. I’ll talk about my quiz results in a minute after I describe Sapadin’s five fear styles. I will present these in no particular order should someone be inclined to attempt to equate them to their corresponding quiz numbers before you take your own test!! (*wink* *wink*)
Each of the fear styles is followed by a real life example of someone whose primary fear style is what was just defined. These practical stories give a good look into a person who I found to exhibit and describe exactly what I feel.
Compliance
Sapadin describes the fear style of compliance as someone who is “dependent, hesitant, wishy-washy, and easily intimidated.” They fear and are utterly despondent when their peers disapprove of them. Sapadin gives the following traits as ways that the compliant individual expresses their fear:
- An unsure mind
- A hesitant voice
- Yielding actions
- A cautious body
- Deferential relationships
Machismo
This fear style is sort of the polar opposite of compliance. Sapadin explains that the machismo fear style is typified with someone who “is rigid and combative on the outside while apprehensive on the inside.” Or in other words, The Cowardly Lion. This style of fear is manifested through:
- An inflexible mind
- A harsh voice
- Oppositional actions
- A stiff body
- Unbending relationships
The Controller
After I read this description this is sort of how I think of Lynette from Desperate Housewives. The Controller is someone who “is compulsive, compelled, critical, and driven.” They embody the need to have things done a certain way and maintain “a strict order” in order to “minimize surprise.” Their fear style is exhibited by:
- A critical mind
- A demanding voice
- Driven actions
- An intense body
- Domineering relationships
The controller can feel helpless and overwhelmed unless they are able to control situations and do things exactly they way the feel they should be done.
Shyness
The traits of the shy fear style are probably no surprise to anyone. They include “passive, inhibited, constrained behavior,” and Sapadin describes their motto as “I don’t feel safe or comfortable with other people.” Basically, shyness is exactly what you think it is. The wallflower… the recluse… etc. Their fear style is exhibited by:
- A timid mind
- A silent voice
- Restricted actions
- A still body
- Reserved relationships
Their sheer inability to feel comfortable and safe in social situations is their biggest hinderance in living their life.
Hypervigilance
Sapadin says that this fear style is a person who is “nervous, agitated, overly responsive, and on edge.” A hypervigilant person is constantly on guard for real and invented situations. They exhibit:
- An alarmed mind
- A hysterical voice
- Agitated actions
- A hyperactive body
- Frenzied relationships
A hypervigilant person may feel like they take on too many tasks and responsibilities but they are afraid to let them go; fearing the unknown and what would happen if they give them up. They may experience sleeplessness because they are unable to keep an eye on things while resting. This can lead to exhaustion and a feeling of not knowing where to go next or how to create calm in their life. They are always thinking about their responsibilities and how to handle them.
My Fear Styles
I was not at all surprised with the results of my tests. I’m clearly hypervigilant with a side of controlling, though slightly compliant. I’m hardly shy or macho. My scores put me definitely in the hypervigilant style (42 — which I just find funny since it’s “The Answer to the Universe”). When I read the little practical, real life story that followed the description I was completely amazed by what the woman felt. She summed up my feelings entirely! I always feel like I have too many things to do, too many responsibilities, and I feel like the world might fall apart if I say no. I try to simplify, but when I do it seems like it all just creeps back up again. I also definitely feel like my fears are a bit imaginary at times.
My therapist and I talked about this some today. And one of the things that I think has helped fuel this hypervigilant feeling I have are the few times that I’ve had a “gut” feeling that something was wrong or not safe, and then later I heard about something that happened that was terrible, scary, or bad at that place that I felt that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Now it seems like whenever I get that feeling it’s too hard for me to turn off my feelings of doubt, worry, and anxiety. I’m hoping that the upcoming chapters will help me through some of this.
