There’s actually a pretty heated discussion going on over at Christina’s blog post on the same topic. Sadly, her fiancé likes to play devil’s advocate, or oppose anything I say, and he likes to do it loudly! (Or so it feels to me… ) I held back a little on my post… I had just gotten finished with yoga and was feeling like karma might bite me in the ass if I told him what I really felt like.

And I’ll admit, the Mom’s pumpkin pie example was a poor one. Within days of Steve & I dating, he told me that he hated the way my mom makes salad. Now it’s a family joke. No one’s truly offended. He just often gets a bowl full of Iceberg when everyone else gets Spring mix and all kinds of wonderful salad goodies. Iceberg and Ranch Dressing…. oh well, to each their own!

Interestingly enough, with Jeff that’s never been something I’ve needed to address. He’s so easy going that not much bothers him, so I could tell him he looks fat in those pants (hmm, does it work in reverse?) or that I hate his mom’s turkey (and he’d respond with – “but you hate all turkey! That’s why she gets a ham for you.”) and it just doesn’t matter.

However, I do feel you should pick your battles when those small battles DO matter. I do have friends that I majorly have to hold my tongue with. “Do I tell him what he said just offended pretty much everyone in the room or do I let this one go because before the night’s over he’ll surely say something worse?” And in those situations, I say lies can keep the peace, keep me from looking nitpicky, and no one knows any better but me. And that’s a good enough reason to keep my mouth shut.

And I soooo love that your comment on my anniversary blog links us to your blog on lying in a marriage. How appropriate!

And I’ll admit that Mom’s pumpkin pie was kind of a bad example. But to be perfectly honest, my lunch hour was running short and I needed to get back to work so that was the best thing I could come up with.

No comment on the panties!

“Honey, do these pants make me look fat?” The response options include “No” (perhaps she doesn’t look fat in them, or perhaps she does, but it’s not the pants’ fault); and “Yes” (the implication with this response is that it IS the pants’ fault). Note that use of the “Yes” response also means that there will be a shopping excursion in the near future…perhaps even immediately. You have to be okay with that.

“Honey, why do you hate Mom’s pumpkin pie?” “Because it doesn’t taste good.” Direct, brutally honest, but will earn you more points in the respect department than points lost in the making-you-feel-good department. Net gain. Bonus points for “I don’t think she puts enough nutmeg in. Hey, maybe I should ask her to swap pie recipes with me.” Overtly helpful, covertly attempting to rectify the situation.

“Honey, whose panties are these?” “Do you remember the time Whitney and Steve came over, and we all (well, not Steve) had a bit too much to drink?….”